If one of relationship happiness or longevity has to be forfeited, this is what you should always let go of... A troubled couple [Credit: Alicia Munoz]
The quality of a relationship is in its happiness value, rather
than in its longevity. If only this could be said enough times, and if
only people would realise and grasp this truth wholly, there'll be more
happy endings and less troubled marriages.
At some point for many women, sadly,
relationship decisions become tainted by the duration of the
relationship, as opposed to the happiness contained in it. This often
happens in relationships that have been on for quite a long time. It
also affects women who perceive themselves as 'ripe for marriage' and
'too old to begin again.
How women think in terms of time
It's been six years with him and aside from
the fact that you're 27 and now too old to begin from the scratch again,
he's the only love of your life... the only true love you've ever
known.
How could you leave him when he deflowered you
and made you do away with two foetuses? How could you, when he already
introduced you to all his family members and put a ring on it?
Breakup [Source: Madamenoire]
Doesn't make sense to leave this place, you
say to yourself as you look forward to a wedding that you know will
begin a marriage that'd be lucky to stand for six months. Everyone
congratulates you but each smile you flash in appreciation frays your
nerves further, worsens the knot in your stomach.
He sleeps with other girls
and says he'll stop when you're finally married. He reeks of alcohol
and embarrassment when he returns from going out without you and even on
days when you go together, he doesn't give a damn that you're there.
He carries on with his wanton flirtations and
excesses as he would if you'd stayed at home, cradling your phone,
waiting for him to call you, or at least pick one of your several calls.
Maybe reply your frantic messages instead of leaving them on blue
ticks; leaving you on read - unworthy, undeserving of a response.
His ex still owns him and he's not trying to
make her know there's someone else. You were once sane but now even you
doubt your mental wellness. He brings out the worst in you, and leaves
you a mess.
Of course he apologizes every time he messes
up. He brings gifts and sends you money - money with a source you
may/may not be able to trace.
But it's all good, right? How could you ever
leave him? How could you leave this great guy, these six years of magic
and the marital bliss you're about to get into?
Doesn't make sense to leave and start again, does it?
A couple having relationship issues [Source: KTU Insider]
An alternate, better reality
Think of relationships in terms of happiness
and satisfaction and the peace of mind they bring. If there are other
things that mean a lot to you, think of your relationship from those
perspectives, as opposed to viewing it through the prism of time.
The idea that there is a certain age to be
engaged or married is rubbish and time and several experiences have
proven that repeatedly.
When it comes to marriage, sincerely, there's no need to rush.
Just take one step at a time and stop hearing in-existent biological
bells tolling. That's just Nigerian parents messing with you and blaming
it on biology.
Don't be scared to leave old relationships
that are no longer good for you. It does not matter how long you've
known him, or how old you are now. Perfection is not always built with
time. People change and the man you know now is the real man, stop
deceiving yourself with memories of the past. If he was good only in the
past and has gone to shit now, ditch him.
The real measure of a relationship is not, and
should never be based on the time it’s been on for, but the happiness
of the people in it.
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